This morning, I was thinking that it was Toyota who promised a “December to Remember” - but it was Lexus. So I’m not sure how memorable that campaign was, although the phrase December to Remember was catchy enough. This month has been a December to Remember - although, I don’t care to remember all of it - each agonizing event and detail.
As soon as we learned of the details of Bob’s services last weekend, Andrea sprung into action, booking a flight for me while I sat, immobilized, for longer than I care to admit. I finally redeemed some hotel points to book a hotel in Waltham near the funeral home and the church. I booked a car with Budget, but when I landed in Boston on Christmas night, I proceeded to stand in the Budget line for a period of time that exceeded the duration of my flight. I was tired, it was late, and I had to work the next day - this is to say that my problem solving skills were a bit diminished. I whined to Andrea over text and finally called Budget to demand a full refund of my pre-pay reservation because they had no cars. Then, I climbed into a Lyft where Pablo dropped me at my hotel.
The next day, I got a car from Enterprise in Waltham but gratefully accepted a ride to the wake from Mairead. I climbed into her car and fought off an inexplicable urge to burst into tears right then and we continued on to the wake. The wake was crowded - which I had anticipated. I knealt in front of Bob’s open casket and thought, “God dammit, Bob.” While studying Mairead out of the corner of my right eye so I could follow her cue - I was raised Lutheran, which is Catholic Light. There’s none of this crossing oneself as a Lutheran - which can be a handy cue to signal, “We’re moving away from the coffin now.” Among other things. I’m thinking maybe we were supposed to say a little prayer in front of the coffin - not swear, but, that was all I could muster at the time. I’d like to assign myself an A+ for not breaking down, howling, in front of the open casket. Or going full on My Girl when Vada screams, “…and where are his glasses? He can't see without his glasses! Put his glasses on! Put on his glasses!”
Because I’m not 11, like Vada was when she lost her friend Thomas.
A corner of the room at the funeral home was occupied by people like me who had worked with Bob - some more recently than others.
I managed and kept my Vada inside. Then I went to eat with Mairead at Not Your Average Joe’s where I ordered Bob’s favorite, the mustard chicken.
Friday was the funeral and I stayed in bed as long as I could - a hymn bouncing about in my brain. This is unusual, for many reasons, chief among them being that it’s been a while since I’ve attended church. Growing up, it was something my family and I did frequently. The hymn was For All the Saints and I can’t recall when I last heard that particular hymn.
The golden evening
brightens in the west;
Soon, soon to faithful
warriors comes their rest;
Sweet is the calm
of paradise the blessed.
Alleluia, Allelu...
I dragged myself from bed and to the funeral, sitting with current and former Benchmark people. Noeline immediately pressed a napkin into my hands, saying, “Here. We have Dunks napkins for Bob’s funeral.” Which was on brand for him, a Dunkin’ Donuts fan. I had to laugh at this and feel Bob would have been amused too.
The funeral was brutiful - brutal and beautiful - and afterwards, we navigated to the cemetery in a long caravan - Waltham police stopping traffic at every intersection. A patchy, thin, layer of snow covered the ground at the cemetery and I was grateful I’d opted to wear practical, black sneakers. The air was cold and the sun peeked out. I thought back to my one and only prior visit to the cemetery - back in September of 2015 (https://as2.livejournal.com/210600.html) - a sunny, warm day when a similar caravan made its way from the same church to lay Bob’s wife to rest. Now - here he was joining her and a lot sooner than I ever would have imagined. God dammit.
For all the saints,
who from their labors rest,
Who Thee by faith
before the world confessed,
Thy Name, O Jesus,
be forever blessed.
Alleluia, Allelu...
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